‘The Grafenberg Spot’

Passage of rite: in Gikuyu Tribe-Kenya

‘The Grafenberg Spot’

Years ago in my Gikuyu society the tradition was that your father had a duty to pay the dowry for his sons. It was premised on the fact that the young needed help to start a home so as to carry the mantle of generation from his dad. A young man was considered poor.  He had no property such as land, livestock or burn full of harvests.  As soon as the young man reached the age of marriage and had been initiated to adulthood through circumcision as passage of rite, the society prepared in ernest for his start of new family.

In some cases the family chose the suitor for their daughter or son in some instances the young man had to rove his eyes and cast his net wider for a catch of a fine girl in the village. The young lad would formally inform his family of his intentions so that they speak on his behalf.  In those days my grandmother tells me that they used to go dancing in particular locations. Dance whole night both male and female and there was no issue of promiscuity. Sex was considered a taboo. Unwanted and  out of wedlock pregnancies were rare. My 91 years grandmother further narrates to me that they would even sleep together after sweaty dancing night exhausted and nobody could dare enter into copulation, or as she puts it ‘touch each other’. In today’s measure any inch of closeness to opposite sex  among our youth is heavily punctuated with lots of kisses and a hand in the cookie jar. Long time ago virginity for both sexes was highly valued and so jealously guarded. In todays ‘red light district’ villages doting our globe you only require a one night stand and ‘pap’ hymen is broken on the concrete. The poor girl will be pinned against a violently graphited wall full of vulgar and profanity riddled with bullets holes, cartridges of suspicious street urchins, busted condoms over the rusted cans of hard liquor and overdose needles protruding on the pavement.  In other  words we have  even glorified  a one night stand to “I need a quickie”. If you happen to be a virgin today most likely you will be tormented and bullied in the peer pressure circles as a jerk. If you happen to be a faithful married man or woman you will be viewed with an absurdity from hell  like dah are you real. You are old fashioned. Indeed family is under attack as we once knew it. As my grandmother pours me another cup of tea she tells me, ‘My son, virginity in our days was broken on white linen under the comfort of fine sheep or cow hide. Throughout history, there have been cultures that forbid sexual activity outside of marriage; some of these have considered an "intact" hymen "proof" of purity. Since hymens come in so many shapes and forms, it's important to realize that the hymen is not a reliable indicator of whether a person has been sexually active or not. This is especially true since for some women, the hymen can be stretched or torn by fingers or tampons.

Sex out of wedlock or in youth if it so happened there were heavy fines to pay.  Sex was well taught during initiation ceremonies to adulthood. Knowledge on gender and sexuality was imparted from well informed sources by chosen elders. Aunts and uncles played a central role in this too. For one to enter adulthood there was an elaborate passage of rite that it apex was circumcision.   Both boys and girls one had to seek permission from either uncle or Aunt depending on ones sex. In today’s ‘digital generation’ source of; misinformation’ is internet, ‘celebrity’ and media personalities. These sources however useful in today’s life impose their opinions to unsuspecting perhaps ignorant mind that what they preach is gospel truth. I think I have waded off too far, technology and family is a topic for another day. Nevertheless, families were vetted and a judicial process of elimination on the basis of morals upheld. Fame, wealth, creativity and hard work were merits to be considered. All this virtues were moral yardstick used to determine which girl or boy was the best suitor and from which family. The son’s dad will lead a delegation of seasoned ‘wazee’ Elders to start wedding and dowry negotiations. There after Ngemi (Allulations) will be heard across the valleys as the drums of big occasion became launder.

By Njoroge wa Ngige 021115