10 of Kenyan Women you will meet in Vegas this Year

10 of Kenyan Women you will meet in Rugby 7 Series Vegas this year.

Shaded Fade. This one walks like a shadow of past evolution. You will mistake her for a rainbow in Massai mara, a sunset in in Mombasa beach or Lake Victoria view full of Hyacinth in Kisumu city. I mean she is full of cakes and loads of makeup, fake eye lashes, fake wig bought in Casablanca or God knows where she claims from Abidjan in West Africa, but after reaching Vegas she realizes the wig has grown mold such that no recycling company near Vegas and neighboring States will accept it without a notary from the nearest chief, MCA or Governor. The lawyers in her circles have withdrawn their services and have become now henceforth Amicus Curie.  In Other words the yellow yellow’ if she can pass to  be one has ‘fikad mwisho wa lami’ and the only solace is Vegas rejuvenation.  The cupcakes make shift face lift make up have outdone her and her wrinkles defies any legal/illegal licensed plastic surgeon, dead nor alive neither a miracle pill on mother earth.  In other word she is over 31 years and still wanna groove  like 21 year old in hope she might find a suitable mate to call husband cos she is torn between motherhood and becoming a nonprofit entity. She is walking with an aura of hips don’t lie while they faded before she arrived in Vegas. The yester years photos while she worked with Sigalame in Bungoma and Kimilili saw mills will tell you she was once a pretty gal.

Cross Over:  This Mresh in Particular lived in Europe for some time before she was deported from London express way to Nairobi ‘Kiamatawa’. She will tell you was one time in Germany and worked in Dosh Dosh Bank in Frankfurt. While without your own knowledge, she was flipping some Turkish Kebabs under a pseudo name in Napoli with fair share of Amsterdam red district massage parlors.  Friends in her circles and the neighboring counties know she was for a ‘fact’ in Britain for further studies which has never moved her any further beyond Vegas lie.  Finally mysteriously found herself in America after drowning in Sea of Galilee on her way to Damascus or was it via Cana of Galilee where she is still stuck in no man’s land?

She belches smoke in all her open cavities you would think her chimney is on fire. Do not panic coz even the fire engines have given up on her.  She is a great swimmer in Ruaraka waters. A Jemison won’t quench her thirst, she must get her ‘dope’ that to the nearest whole number of  Machozi ya simba. She can booz the whole night and tomorrow shakes off her fatigued hangover with a cocktail of ‘prescriptive drugs’. She will lie to you the following morning if you are still alive that she is having crumps. All this after clumping your wallet more than the Kanjo on Moi Avenue and milking your muscles now that you look liner coz you have worked harder than steam engine to re-awaken her sensations which were lost in glory hey days of higher/further studies in Europe.  Good luck Pal coz to my humble application you have been chewing a Muguka now that Veve (Khat) is banned in London and has become ‘eine geffelitch drugen’ (German for illegal drug) long before she left Berlin Bunholf en-route Belgium to catch her train via the English channel . She knows very well she is bordering on suicidal thoughts and high addiction but she prefers cold turkey of Vegas ‘na liwe liwalo’. She tell her self I have survived many deserts and dodged live bullets the high seas of Vegas can only be navigated with a constricted pupil.

 The ‘Twaka’ – Twerking!

She is dancing and gyrating her body like she is going to audition for a strip club. Never mind coz she has never been to one and she is only past 21 years if not barely 18 years.  She moves once check! Twice checkmate! And the third time you drool. She has come to let lose her steam in Vegas. She only hears never experienced still waters run dip. She has come to ‘hear’ Vegas.  Don’t waste your self on presenting a counselor’s look of the Panda Mbegu/Mbego Revival Ministries (PAMREM) fame. In her generation better be adivised ‘hasikii la mwadhini wala la mteka maji Msikitini’. ‘Wewe una Dollar yeye ana Visenti’, She is in trance of her own.

She has never had experience but she is trying to fit. She has hit a crisis button while you are holding a pause button. Desperate time for desperate measures I meant solutions. I am not trying to be-little Su for Susan neither Kate for Khat nor Vilo for Vivian but Kinjo generation has nothing else going for em’ but to act sexy and legit. You know what follows right? Abuse, Unmarried Pregnancy, then a trip to the nearest welfare office, if not unmarked grave then strip search before pant down. Locked up! Then Whistles will start deafening you to echos… Epuka wewe Epuka wewe….there is a song by Les Wanyika which goes with those lines, it will come handy as you ask the cop to loosen the grip.’ Majuto ni Mjukuu;.

Judge me not Twerking aint bad but do not start competing with naturally born seasoned East African professionals Musicians Saida Karoli, Sha-Sugua Gaga fame or Shilole featuring AT-Dume Dada. These are disciplined and talented packed Celebs. The teen girl is not the problem. Mpita njia is (see Alicios FT Juliana official video) or close home Jaguar-Kigeugeu before she sings for you Lady JayDee-Yahaya.  [‘Kwa fix anazo fanya unaingia Kingi Unafuata’].  

Our biggest problem with our societies’ is lack of scruples.  She will definitely and innocently let you inflate the tube but you can’t change the wheel, even after 9 months.  She will be lucky if she will not visit Mr ‘Smith Brown  Miti Shamba Clinic’ and a gynecologist for uncontrolled burning sensations or either leave you with itchy turbulences for decades. Her Boyfriend in Kansas City or New York city returning from a double if not triple is in high seas, navigating unlicensed ship in uncharted waters-Nahajui.  Because you Know what-I know you know this but not how deep it runs. Reality check and crisis weigh in…yes you are right….. what happens in Vegas remains in Vegas but stays with you for eternity. Haunting you in every turn you make. That one night stand. You wish the eternal lights were switched off coz you would not have done it. Too late come baby come!!! Vigelele sham sham toto,  Coz You are My Sweaty number one.

Real Estate:

These Kenyan women are in the ‘fundamentals’ categories. The investment.  Real deal no pretense vibe. Sophistication is their one word description. You will waste your time and energy trying to convince her in your third rate borrowed seduction language. She has been tested in hostile mine fields of Sahara desert dating game and in the freezing temperatures of snow caped Kilimanjaro and Mt. Kenya simultaneously not losing her composure, cool and temperament. Do not forget, very verily I tell you for free she is still an active Nyiragongo mountain in Congo and if need be she can melt you with lava and disseminate you like molten iron at will. She may turn you to her unforgivable wrath statue of salt at will after burning you like Sodom and Gomora without a twitch of her smoldering loving unsmothering wrinkle line.  In her terrain she has detonated enough improvised Explosive love devises (IELD) without any visible scratch. In other words “Ni Mutumia wene”. She knows her terrain and battle ground.

S

he has been taken and fortified. The way she handles his man is like she had been in a refresher course while her man was still in high seas. She will deflate you like a slow puncture and discard you like ‘Koroboi’ can light in other words of deeper Gikuyu like ‘Kanyitira kahorokeire rutambi’. She will not entertain nonsense. She might give you time just to get entertained by your oblivious ‘nonsense’ a by the way by-pass information. Her class is sophisticated, Educated and in her realm of her own right. She calculates her moves, does her math, and you will be lucky if you can sustain a five minute constructive conversation with her. Not unless she deliberately allows that.  She multitasks as you think about your wallet, she will be ahead of the game and order for a double on the rocks, just for an incognito friend with no trace as she waits for her man to close the final deal. “Women who love themselves are threatening; but men who love real women, more so.”{ Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth}. Yes, she will gladly introduce you to her man like meet Jose’, we just met and he has been keeping me company and talking sporadic topical issues.  At the back of her mind she is in essence insinuating without your otherwise ignorant ‘knowledge’ ‘Indeed Jose has been more dramatic and less specific in global warming’.

S

uch is the Kenyan global woman every man envisions but you got to kiss so many frogs along the way. She does not only possess brains but also beauty ‘naharingi’. In her own sober right she knows “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” {Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience} A real estate woman is loyal and respectful, knowledgeable and considerate. You provided a house but she provides a home and many more that we know from such saying.

A

ny man who is in this real world of such woman has concurred many visible and invisible battles, treacherous successive winter blizzards and shattering Tornados along the way, and still left him standing with a solid smile. “Sadly, the signals that allow men and women to find the partners who most please them are scrambled by the sexual insecurity initiated by beauty thinking. A woman who is self-conscious can't relax to let her sensuality come into play. If she is hungry she will be tense. If she is "done up" she will be on the alert for her reflection in his eyes. If she is ashamed of her body, its movement will be stilled. If she does not feel entitled to claim attention, she will not demand that airspace to shine in. If his field of vision has been boxed in by "beauty"--a box continually shrinking--he simply will not see her, his real love, standing right before him.”  {Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth} But if you are led by the spirit like me you will by now realize your ‘Real Estate Woman’ is indeed the Biblical psalmist woman.

“

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” Proverbs 31:21-31. King James Version (KJV) Bible.

Such is the Kenyan woman you will meet in Vegas.

By Njoroge Wa Ngige 013115.

Need I go further the remaining 6 types are on their way because ['Airitu ikumi Utuko metereire Muhikania mari na matawa makanaga atano matawa mao ni Mathirire maguta Makira aria angi mamagaire'] Read Matthew 25 New Living Translation (NLT) Bible. For Translation.
 Coming soon